“If one longs for a mate, is it best to seek this relationship, to wait for it to happen or to try to cultivate detachment as one waits for it to happen?
“The last, not at all. If you become detached from your desire, your desire will never be fulfilled. It will simply remain an appendage that weights you down and causes you pain.
“Thou you consciously long for a mate, there are parts of you that do not, that push the idea away, that hasten to lock the door when the other part of you has so carefully opened it. Look around. Do a little house cleaning and you will see where it is you still fear, reject, deny, criticize and judge those parts of you that long for physical and emotional intimacy.
“Once the space is ready the mate will be there.
“Think about that. Then buy yourself the most magnificent outfit and begin to dance.
“The more you align yourself with your own integrity the more you will seek Oneness with God and will then be able to accept that infinite, outrageous, and terrible love that says that you and I are One.” Emmanuel’s Book (Pat Rodegast)
It is hard to imagine when we are alone, lonely, and without a relationship, to know that this, at least right now, is what we have chosen—on a soul level. The soul knows far better what we really need than our personality. And the soul moves to bring a mate into the picture when we are really, truly, ready. And not a moment before.
There are things that we can do if we are frustrated in this matter of no mate. We can ask what benefits we are getting from remaining alone. And there will always be some. If we feel that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits, then we need to look deeper for the reason that we are alone and lonely.
The question frequently asked of us by others might be, “Are you afraid of intimacy?” This somewhat misstates the case, for without a significant other in one’s life, how can we even imagine what intimacy would be like? We might cringe in fear, but we might just open our hearts and feel a love that has been within, held within, for far too long.
If we look within and find no lack in our own motivations, then do those things that would invite the presence of a mate. Does one really believe that a mate might arrive at any time? Or is there still some holding back?
Regardless of how the future plays out, know that our souls hold the key. Our soul will know when we have done the work of getting ready for a mate.
And a big part of that readiness is being comfortable within one’s own skin, sure of one’s own lovability. If we doubt that we truly love ourselves, then how can another give us what we need—love?